As Valentine’s Day vastly approached
and left us, I am once again alone. Now, before everyone hits me with the,
"don't worry, your Mr. Right is out there!" I am not sad about being
alone. Shocking, I know. However, it is true. For the record, I am not a bitter
Betty hating couples who will be flaunted their love at Red Lobster during Crab
Fest. You see it's not Valentine’s Day that confuses me, it's the other 364
days while dating that I slightly have an issue with. Ha-ha, ok now that
sentence makes me sound like I'm going to say, "men are dogs" and go
in to some sort of rant. Well, that is not the case. The reason for my
confusion comes down to titles, or the lack there of.
You see, dating in this day and age is
no longer something that is a yes or no question. However, it has turned into
some sort of essay response on a game show.
When we were younger, it was simple:
Either you were boyfriend/girlfriend or you weren't. Now in our present days,
if you ask, "are you and so and so dating" the response is usually
"well… it's complicated." This is where my confusion comes in. What
is complicated about a relationship? Either you’re in one or you’re not. Plain
and simple. You see, in a woman's mind, if she goes on more than 3 dates, she
is now dating this man. Meaning she is on her way to earning the title of this girlfriend.
Well clearly, not all men think the same way. Now who is right? Who is wrong?
Well, actually both are right and wrong in their own way. So it leads to the
question, when dealing with a relationship are titles important?
My answer is yes. Let me explain: A
title sets boundaries and creates a mutual understanding of what is expected of
the other person. Without these understandings, it creates conflict and
confusion. I mean how awkward is it to be with someone, have all the benefits
of a relationship, then get introduced to their friends as, "oh this is
just the homie.” Say what now? Are you
really trying to get away with, “oh this is just the homie” speech with a woman
that you haven’t established a title with? However, y’all have had the benefits
of dating. I’m pretty sure the conversation will not go very well when trying
to establish your status. There will be tears, probably objects being thrown
and a sentence that will end it “I can’t stand your ass!”
I am not sure why titles are so important to women,
but they are. I guess it gives us a since of security knowing that we are
claimed. Sad to say it puts in to perceptive how close we are to becoming the
Mrs. In our parents and grandparents age, to call someone your significant
other was an honor. In today’s world, to call someone your significant other
says you now lame for some reason. Now, don’t get me wrong, titles are
important to some men also. But majority of the “what are we” conversation is
from a woman. So for the purpose of this post, I will write from a woman’s
point of view.
As a woman, the doubt of certainty
seems to be the biggest self esteem killer. I will use myself as an example. I
was talking to, dating, whatever you want to call a guy for about 4 months and
a title was never established and it drove me crazy. I mean we had dates, held
hands, kissed, had great times together, but if you were to ask me to this day
what we were, I couldn’t tell you. I mean, imagine my frustration when it came
to trying to explain to friends what we were. “I mean I think we are dating,
well, I’m not really sure.” In my mind, I was constantly auditioning to get the
role of his girlfriend. Then when we stop talking as much, when the text stop
coming and I got hit with the “I’m busy” excuses, I was convinced I had been replaced.
Nothing feels worse than the feeling of thinking you weren’t good for someone.
Now please know in no way shape
of form am I saying he is a bad guy for not titling us. Actually, it probably
was a great thing; only because it allowed me understand things about me.
Strange I know. Is a title even worth it though?
Until
next time …
---Jennifer
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