Sir, I don't want you!

Ok, we all have that one person that you would drop everything to get back together with. (Well, not everything. You are going to make them work for it… best believe that!) And if you have the chance to rekindle the old flame, you need to take it slow.  Yes, extravagant gestures of love in the movies are secretly what we want but have you thought how crazy that would look in real life? I don’t know about y’all but I like to keep my relationship details private and not make my partner look like a crazy person. Do not try to ask me out on the big screen at a Nuggets game. Just for you calling me out like that, I will embarrass you and walk off. I’ll still say yes, but I’m going to be the karma police in this situation.

But this post is not about the ones you want. This is about the ones you would like to write the name on the list of people who need to be blocked from the club called, “Your life.”  I don’t care if you have money for the cover; you are not welcomed in my club. This post is for the people that if you see them in public, you do not care how awkward you are from turning around and walking the opposite way. This post is for the one person you have considered moving away from. Say hello to the love stalker. They mean good and just want you to love them. They just have an aggressive way of showing it. Here’s just a few ways to tell if you have a love stalker or, ways to tell if you are one. Here we go:

1.       I want you back… after 5 years of us not talking. You don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone is such a true statement for this person. And in some cases, it can be a very nice thing. But, tone back the desperate just a tad my friend. It’s one thing to ask for your former mate back, it’s another thing to have already planned out your entire future together as far as wedding colors, where you’re going to live and already renting the place, and even picking out the kids’ names. You better keep that all on the DL before you get your heart publicly shattered. Remember, no one likes crazy. NO ONE. Please stop staring at me from my tree outside my house.

2.       Impromptu kiss  This can be for an old flame or for just anyone who wants to be intimate, now. Once again, movies are NOT real life. Do you really want someone coming up to you randomly and just kissing you? It’s kind of frightening. Don’t do it unless you want a hand to the face and the lovely, legal piece of paper symbolizing a special kind of bound called a restraining order.

3.       Surprise! Now, here’s really where the stalking comes out. You surprise your “loved one” by showing up to where they are! You want to be with them at every given moment so you make sure to make their day brighter by showing your creepy face. (That sounded rude, my apologized) Here’s the kicker, you show up at their work! Shoot, your fantasy future soul mate just started that new job last week and barely knows where it is. How did you find it so easily? Let me show you a location where you can call home. It’s called jail. I’m having you arrested.

I don’t know what else to tell you because I just got angry. Don’t be a love stalker. If you want a person back, take it slow and respect their feelings. Nothing is wrong with a second chance unless you are crazy. The End.

---Laurie