Yep and this is why I’m single……

Dating in 2014 is a combination of the game show Survivor and Lets Make A Deal. However, at the end of the game, there is not $100,000 prize. There is, however, a lifetime of heartburn and self doubt if you lose.  I am not sure when dating became so complicated. When did it go from a fun thing to do, to game show rules?

The closer I get to 30, the more I realize that dating is not something you take lightly. It’s more like an extended episode of Hunger Games or even worse an American Idol audition. You have to outsmart your opponent, be on alert at all times, and be ready for anything. One must dress like a cover model and be the same weight as one also. Let’s not forget to impress their friends and family. Then, if you are lucky, you will get the golden ticket that equates to having the title of “Dating.”

I have been single voluntary for 2 years now and while at first I was ok with it, I now feel like I will be that creepy old lady with animals that over take the house and end up on some Dateline unsolved investigations. Ok, so maybe I’m being a tad bit extreme. My story may not make it to Dateline but I so could be on the local news at 10.  As I approach the need to start dating again, I realize I may need an agent to help me get the gig.   You no longer can just go out an mingle with people.  You now have to bring a resume, 2 references, a credit check paper and an essay on why this person should date you. Really, who has time for all of that?  I want to go on a date not apply for home loan.

Dating now these days comes with rules and regulations that I clearly don’t know where they came from or understand them at all.  Have I been out of the game for that long that I missed the memo that everything changed?  So today, I would like to talk about the top 4 dating rules that I don’t understand:

4: The 3 Day rule

This by far is the most stupid rule I have ever heard of. If you are unfamiliar with this “oh-so stupid rule” please let me introduce you to it. The rule states that if you give out your number or if you receive a number, you have to wait 3 days to call that person.  Yep, you read that right. There is a waiting period on when it is ok to call someone. Now, can someone please explain to me why must I wait a 3 days to tell someone that I am interested in them?  I mean the rule makes it seem that if I tell them sooner I will be considered a stage 5 clinger. But if I wait 4 days, it means I’m not interested. So, I want to know, does this rule apply to everything in life. Like if I get a burger, do I need to wait 3 days to eat it or not? See, pointless rule.

3: If the woman pays for a date, then it’s not date

Sweet baby Jesus, if this is not by far the dumbest thing I have ever heard. So you mean to tell me that if a woman decided to take a man out to dinner and a movie and pays it’s not a date? So, what is it then? A tourist attraction? Now don’t get me wrong, I do believe in the man paying for dates, but I believe in women paying also.  It is no way of me demeaning men by paying. But, I do believe if we are dating, it should be equal for us in majority of the things we do.

2:  I have a list of requirements that must be met in order for us to be together.

Now this one is tricky because I do believe in having certain standards when dating people. For example, stating that you would not date someone who is not in church when church is very important to you is understandable. However, stating that your mate must look like a Paul Walker, cook like the Food Network, and have the bank account of Bill Gates. Really, what planet are you living on and how long have you been there?

1:  I can’t date you if you date my friend in preschool

I am not even sure how this applies but sadly enough, it does.  So let me get this right, he dated your friend in Preschool 22 years ago and now that he is interested in you, dating him is a no-no because of his past. Who knew that sharing juice boxes in preschool would come back and haunt you?  I’m not sure what’s dumber: the fact that rule exists or the fact that more women hold it as some sort of Holy Grail rule.

These are just a few of the dumb rules that exist. Why, I don’t know but if this is what dating has come to, I might as well be a nun.

I came…. I saw….. I danced ….

---Jennifer