"Titles for 100 please, Alec"

As Valentine’s Day vastly approached and left us, I am once again alone. Now, before everyone hits me with the, "don't worry, your Mr. Right is out there!" I am not sad about being alone. Shocking, I know. However, it is true. For the record, I am not a bitter Betty hating couples who will be flaunted their love at Red Lobster during Crab Fest. You see it's not Valentine’s Day that confuses me, it's the other 364 days while dating that I slightly have an issue with. Ha-ha, ok now that sentence makes me sound like I'm going to say, "men are dogs" and go in to some sort of rant. Well, that is not the case. The reason for my confusion comes down to titles, or the lack there of.

You see, dating in this day and age is no longer something that is a yes or no question. However, it has turned into some sort of essay response on a game show.

When we were younger, it was simple: Either you were boyfriend/girlfriend or you weren't. Now in our present days, if you ask, "are you and so and so dating" the response is usually "well… it's complicated." This is where my confusion comes in. What is complicated about a relationship? Either you’re in one or you’re not. Plain and simple. You see, in a woman's mind, if she goes on more than 3 dates, she is now dating this man. Meaning she is on her way to earning the title of this girlfriend. Well clearly, not all men think the same way. Now who is right? Who is wrong? Well, actually both are right and wrong in their own way. So it leads to the question, when dealing with a relationship are titles important?

My answer is yes. Let me explain: A title sets boundaries and creates a mutual understanding of what is expected of the other person. Without these understandings, it creates conflict and confusion. I mean how awkward is it to be with someone, have all the benefits of a relationship, then get introduced to their friends as, "oh this is just the homie.” Say what now?  Are you really trying to get away with, “oh this is just the homie” speech with a woman that you haven’t established a title with? However, y’all have had the benefits of dating. I’m pretty sure the conversation will not go very well when trying to establish your status. There will be tears, probably objects being thrown and a sentence that will end it “I can’t stand your ass!”

 I am not sure why titles are so important to women, but they are. I guess it gives us a since of security knowing that we are claimed. Sad to say it puts in to perceptive how close we are to becoming the Mrs. In our parents and grandparents age, to call someone your significant other was an honor. In today’s world, to call someone your significant other says you now lame for some reason. Now, don’t get me wrong, titles are important to some men also. But majority of the “what are we” conversation is from a woman. So for the purpose of this post, I will write from a woman’s point of view.

As a woman, the doubt of certainty seems to be the biggest self esteem killer. I will use myself as an example. I was talking to, dating, whatever you want to call a guy for about 4 months and a title was never established and it drove me crazy. I mean we had dates, held hands, kissed, had great times together, but if you were to ask me to this day what we were, I couldn’t tell you. I mean, imagine my frustration when it came to trying to explain to friends what we were. “I mean I think we are dating, well, I’m not really sure.” In my mind, I was constantly auditioning to get the role of his girlfriend. Then when we stop talking as much, when the text stop coming and I got hit with the “I’m busy” excuses, I was convinced I had been replaced. Nothing feels worse than the feeling of thinking you weren’t good for someone.   

                Now please know in no way shape of form am I saying he is a bad guy for not titling us. Actually, it probably was a great thing; only because it allowed me understand things about me. Strange I know. Is a title even worth it though?

Until next time …

---Jennifer

Side Chick?

It's 2014 and somehow the term "side chick" has become an acceptable term. Where it came from? I'm really not sure, but I do hope that needs to be retired soon. If you are unfamiliar with the term side chick, let me school you real quick. It means mistress. Yep that’s it. No fancy long drawn out meaning. Just plain and simple, you dear friend are a mistress.

Now here is where I'm confused. When did saying, "I am ok with being the other woman" become acceptable?  Is it normal to say, “Oh I know he has a wife or girlfriend but I’m ok with it.” I was always taught that 2^nd best is not acceptable. I will admit that does sound harsh, yes, but it applies in so many situations. Now, I know I will probably have a few ladies that currently are the side chick, and may or may not know it. So when you read this don’t get mad at me, I mean if the shoe fits, wear it.

The most famous side chick currently is Olivia Pope from the TV show Scandal. Yep, a fictional character is the main reason that not only is the term side chick ok but so is the behavior. For those of you who don’t watch Scandal, first off, who doesn’t watch Scandal??? Secondly, what do you do on Thursday nights??? I digress. Ms. Olivia Pope, or for those who are avid Scandal watchers who call her Liv, is the ultimate side chick. She is the mistress of the President of the United States. Now let me explain: She is not just some floozy with a short skirt that got his attention, she is a powerful attorney in Washington, D.C. She has her own everything however, she just happens to be dating the President. I know it sounds tacky but the way it is portrayed on TV makes it seem like a wonderful love story.

More like star cross lovers that are meant to be together but circumstance keep them apart. So romantic, so heartfelt, so enduring, however are SO FAKE. Somehow the women that are real life side chicks now have the idea in their head that they are in the same position as Olivia and ‘their man” is meant to be with them but circumstance seems to keep them apart.

I am not sure what is sadder; that these women have unrealistic views of what a relationship is or that society makes them think that being the other woman is ok.

So I will present to you the 5 signs you might side chick:

5. You only get text messages never a phone call

So you mean to tell me that his signal is so bad that he can never answer his phone? Like ever? But as soon as you hang up you get the text that says “hey babe signal is bad.” Where is he at, Timbuktu? Now, don’t get me wrong. I have AT&T and service with them often is touch and go but it’s still pretty good. Really sir, what service do you have?

          4. You are only allowed to go on dates at night

Now I know majority of dates happen at night. However if your “date” is at 11pm and he is taking you get a slice of pizza at the local trucker stop 25 miles outside of the city, that my dear is not a date but an upscale booty call.

          3. You have never seen him in the daytime

So, how long have you been dating a bat? Please tell me how that is working out for you. Any suggestion that involves a daylight activity results in a huge fight. I mean, who do you think you are asking for main chick privileges and you are not the main chick? Shame on you for not staying in your designated place.

2. You two run into some friends of his and you are introduced as his “friend”

This may be my favorite one yet. The dreaded “oh this is my home girl” introduction. So you and your man are visiting your local date spot when you hear someone call him by his name. You beam with joy because now you get to be introduced as his girl, or so you thought. You notice your man starts acting jittery and ignores his name being called. His friends approach him and you get hit with “oh… this umm… this is my friend, Sally.” So is this the new definition of friendship that allows you to sleep with someone and rarely get to be seen in public?  Silly side chick, titles are for main girls.

1.   You have yet to spend a holiday with him

This by far is the only sign you that you need to confirm you are the side chick. Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and you have already been told that he has to work and the 15^th y’all will do something nice. Really? So tell me oh naive one, when is the last time you spent a holiday with him? I want to know what job has you work every holiday but you magically get the day after off. So you get to celebrate January 2, February 15^th, July 5^th, Black Friday and December 26^th  and somehow you think that this is ok. My heart aches for you. You keep those dreams of main chick alive though, maybe one day.

   

---Jennifer

Sir, I don't want you!

Ok, we all have that one person that you would drop everything to get back together with. (Well, not everything. You are going to make them work for it… best believe that!) And if you have the chance to rekindle the old flame, you need to take it slow.  Yes, extravagant gestures of love in the movies are secretly what we want but have you thought how crazy that would look in real life? I don’t know about y’all but I like to keep my relationship details private and not make my partner look like a crazy person. Do not try to ask me out on the big screen at a Nuggets game. Just for you calling me out like that, I will embarrass you and walk off. I’ll still say yes, but I’m going to be the karma police in this situation.

But this post is not about the ones you want. This is about the ones you would like to write the name on the list of people who need to be blocked from the club called, “Your life.”  I don’t care if you have money for the cover; you are not welcomed in my club. This post is for the people that if you see them in public, you do not care how awkward you are from turning around and walking the opposite way. This post is for the one person you have considered moving away from. Say hello to the love stalker. They mean good and just want you to love them. They just have an aggressive way of showing it. Here’s just a few ways to tell if you have a love stalker or, ways to tell if you are one. Here we go:

1.       I want you back… after 5 years of us not talking. You don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone is such a true statement for this person. And in some cases, it can be a very nice thing. But, tone back the desperate just a tad my friend. It’s one thing to ask for your former mate back, it’s another thing to have already planned out your entire future together as far as wedding colors, where you’re going to live and already renting the place, and even picking out the kids’ names. You better keep that all on the DL before you get your heart publicly shattered. Remember, no one likes crazy. NO ONE. Please stop staring at me from my tree outside my house.

2.       Impromptu kiss  This can be for an old flame or for just anyone who wants to be intimate, now. Once again, movies are NOT real life. Do you really want someone coming up to you randomly and just kissing you? It’s kind of frightening. Don’t do it unless you want a hand to the face and the lovely, legal piece of paper symbolizing a special kind of bound called a restraining order.

3.       Surprise! Now, here’s really where the stalking comes out. You surprise your “loved one” by showing up to where they are! You want to be with them at every given moment so you make sure to make their day brighter by showing your creepy face. (That sounded rude, my apologized) Here’s the kicker, you show up at their work! Shoot, your fantasy future soul mate just started that new job last week and barely knows where it is. How did you find it so easily? Let me show you a location where you can call home. It’s called jail. I’m having you arrested.

I don’t know what else to tell you because I just got angry. Don’t be a love stalker. If you want a person back, take it slow and respect their feelings. Nothing is wrong with a second chance unless you are crazy. The End.

---Laurie